bootyshortsforoldmen | Etraya: Inbox

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USERNAME: HANK

Hank here. I probably don’t give a rat’s ass what you have to say. Leave me alone. How the hell do I get this damn thing to stop rec — [BEEP]

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From:

instabilitatem

[Connor nods, directing his gaze back to Sumo.]

Maybe you can't. Maybe that's the entire point of Alrys's mission. She had to have known that we could fail.

[That Connor could deviate.]

And that we would confess our sins for all of Etraya to see.

[Connor stops petting Sumo to look back at Hank.] Maybe this is something I need to go through alone.

From:

bootyshortsforoldmen

Were you supposed to be back by now, d’you think? I’m sure she’s got some manner of contingency plan cooked up if that doesn’t happen. If you don’t come back.

But Connor. We’re gonna deal with her. [Hank and whoever the fuck else. Once they figure out how to get to Solmara, or lure Alrys here, or whatever it might take.] And I know the fear won’t go away just like that. I know...

[Slick roads. The car rolling, rolling.

Sometimes in Hank’s nightmares, it’s still rolling. Never stopping. Never ending.]

That’ll be one thing. One thing I can do for you.

From:

instabilitatem

I think that's why my programming went off. It was time for us to steal what we could steal and return with at least recon.

[The guilt and fear are so overwhelming, but he knows Hank has dealt with this as well. In his own way.]

I don't think I can drink whiskey.

From:

bootyshortsforoldmen

Even if you could drink whiskey — you know I wouldn’t want that for you.

[Not that that’s Hank’s call to make. But seeing Connor fall to addiction would break him in ways he doesn’t want to think about.

Alrys must be expecting them, then. And how long might she wait before...?

Hank doesn’t want to deny the inevitable. Doesn’t want to ignore the danger everyone is in — not like he has all these past few weeks.

But now, at least, Hank’s goals mostly align with what the rest of the people here want: deal with Alrys. Keep Etraya safe.

And in doing so, keep Connor safe.]

Can I sit with you, Connor?

From:

instabilitatem

[Connor listens and nods slowly. It makes sense that Hank wouldn't want to see someone else fall to to the bottle.]

Of course, it's your house.

From:

bootyshortsforoldmen

Yours now too, Connor. [Hank walks to the couch, watching Connor. Looking for any sign of discomfort.

Then he takes a seat, one arm draped across the back of the couch. It’s crowded with Sumo, but the dog rests his head on Connor’s lap. Giving Hank a little more space.]

Not like I’m paying rent.

From:

instabilitatem

[Connor looks over at Hank, rubbing Sumo’s head the whole while.]

I don’t feel like I’ve done right, Hank. And by every merit, I haven’t. Ithaqua will never forgive me. Catdog won’t either. Robert’s forgiveness is… I can’t help him.

I nearly killed you as well.

From:

bootyshortsforoldmen

Let me ask you this, then: what could you have done differently, Connor? If you don’t feel like you’ve done right. What could you have done — that was in your power to do differently?

[An annoyed mumble:] Told you I don’t care about that last bit, Connor.

From:

instabilitatem

I would've deviated during my encounter with Catdog. Or earlier even. I would've known there was a timer and warned them, warned you.

[But the programming didn't let him. There had been that red wall, pushing him along. Get the gun, through any means necessary.

And yet he didn't kill Catdog. Perhaps because he was already injured by Connor.

And Ithaqua, who will likely never speak to him again, took two shots to the legs.

And Dr. Romano. Who tried to stop Connor.

And Hank. Who had a gun pointed at his head.

Connor would change all of it if he could. However, he can't and that's a painful truth he will have to live with.]

Edited Date: 2025-03-09 03:58 am (UTC)

From:

bootyshortsforoldmen

Connor. [Hank looks at him. Lips pursed. Pulling his arm from the back of the couch to rest in his lap.] I asked what you would do differently that you had the power to do.

[He doesn’t say “none of that was your fault,” because they just keep going in circles with that. But the implication is there, regardless.]

Deviation isn’t that simple, right? If it were, you would’ve done it back on Solmara, yeah? Or like you said, with Catdog.

Do you see what I’m getting at here? You said you might need me. To be able to deviate. That’s not something you had control over, Connor — especially since you didn’t know how far you’d have to go to hit that point.

You didn’t know, Connor. You didn’t know.

From:

instabilitatem

[Connor leans his head against the couch, his hands stilling in Sumo's fur. In the space of 24 hours, everything he knew, every constant has turned on its head except for Hank. It's likely the only reason he hasn't run.

It had taken nearly losing that constant to deviate.

But it doesn't stop Connor from becoming familiar with another emotion: self-hate.]

I have to deal with the consequences, regardless.

From:

bootyshortsforoldmen

I know, Connor. Let’s just take it one day at a time, okay?

[Hank knows it’s true. Necessary. But, god, he wanted to punch people when they talked to him like this after he lost Cole.

But they were right.

Everyone always said things would get easier eventually, but mostly they just changed. Evolved. Devolved. Got a hell of a lot worse before they got any better.

But then one day, here came this android with his wink and his breaking into Hank’s house. Wooing his dog. Worming his way into Hank’s life, and now he doesn’t want to imagine anything else — especially not after just getting him back.]

From:

instabilitatem

How do I do that?

[Connor looks absolutely miserable as he tries to think through possibilities down the road instead of focusing on the moment. He will lose his friends, he might lose Hank. If Aurora arrives, Connor is certainly dead again, perhaps permanently.

He feels steeped in a darkness he can't hide from and can't shake either.]

From:

bootyshortsforoldmen

Well, y’know what I did to deal with my shit. But like I said — don’t want that for you. Whether or not you can.

[Hank doesn’t want to see Connor testing this hypothesis, either. With alcohol or anything else.

Regardless, Hank’s view on this is very “do as I say, not as I do.”]

We need to get you hobbies. You had much fun since you got here, Connor? [Again with the hypocritical “do as I say” bit, seeing as how Hank knows he has been as jolly as a bag of bricks since he got to Etraya.] Or even just something to get your mind off things. You said you liked cooking, yeah? Stuff like that.

From:

instabilitatem

[Connor is tempted to test Hank's manner of dulling feelings, even if it could break all his inner components.]

I did enjoy cooking. Rations were scarce in Solmara. It's never something I got to do in Detroit either.

[A beat.]

I've also never tested my ability to drink whiskey.

From:

bootyshortsforoldmen

Connor...

[Eyes thinned.

Hank sighs.]

I can’t stop you. Not like you couldn’t squirrel some away behind my back. But I’d really rather you didn’t.

You don’t even drink thirium. You — [okay, no, he should not be giving Connor any ideas] — if you gotta try it, promise me you won’t be alone. I don’t want you breaking down ‘cause you’re guzzling this shit.

But you are more than welcome to cook to your heart’s content, Connor. And more stuff like it.

[A thoughtful pause, then:]

What is it about cooking that you like, exactly?

From:

instabilitatem

[Connor looks up at Hank and the temptation is definitely there. Perhaps just a sip. Just enough to see what is so appealing.]

I'll have a sip with dinner.

[And, considering what he likes about cooking,] I never cooked until I arrived here. It's very colorful. And it's not a science, it's an art. I've never expressed myself in such a way.

From:

bootyshortsforoldmen

A sip, huh? [Hank raises a brow.] You do remember when you poured out all my whiskey, yeah?

[He has the bottle in his bedroom, but maybe Connor doesn’t know about that yet.]

That’s what I like to hear, though, Con. You getting creative — that sounds good for you. You might like other creative sorts of things, too.

That’s the thing: we gotta get you exploring that.

From:

instabilitatem

Did Dr. Romano not bring any over? [He's put himself back in the deferential position.]

What other arts should I explore?

From:

bootyshortsforoldmen

Nah. Unless he dropped some off when I wasn’t here.

[He tries to keep the bit about Connor’s friend short. Someday Connor might want to talk about them more, but... right now Hank just imagines it hurts.]

You could write. Draw. Paint. Could indulge in your, y’know — musical inclinations.

How about we take you clothes shopping sometime? [“Shopping” being used loosely here, since everything is free.] You can express yourself that way too. Just like I’ve got my... well. Shirts.

From:

instabilitatem

[Connor looks puzzled a moment, considering he'd advised Dr. Romano to bring whiskey. Perhaps he didn't bring it.]

I could stop wearing my tie.

[He pulls the black fabric from the collar of his white shirt.]