Etraya: Inbox

[bootyshortsforoldmen]

TEXT • VOICE • VIDEO • ACTION
USERNAME: HANK

Hank here. I probably don’t give a rat’s ass what you have to say. Leave me alone. How the hell do I get this damn thing to stop rec — [BEEP]

Comments

[bootyshortsforoldmen]

Jesus fucking Christ. I thought you were...

[Hank brushes Connor’s cheek with his thumb before pulling his hand away.]

Just scared me, Connor. You were out like a light for a while there.

[And this guy has the gall to look all sleepy like that. Innocent, somehow. Trusting, maybe: for Hank to keep him safe.

Hank clears his throat and gives Sumo’s head a pat.]

[instabilitatem]

Oh.

[That's it. Connor is trying to figure out why he would power down like that, but maybe it's a new 'feature' of being a deviant.

Give him a moment as he wipes at his eyes unnecessarily. Then it clicks.]

It may have happened because I felt safe. I haven't been sleeping since the I wasn't selected for the Solmara mission.

[Not that he needs sleep specifically, but he needs to rest and rejuvenate every now and then to keep circuits from crossing.]

[bootyshortsforoldmen]

Did you... want to go?

[Gaze flitting back to Connor’s:] I didn’t want you to. Especially not without me. If they would’ve sent you without me... it wouldn’t have been pretty.

[Not that Hank cares much about what other people think of him, not when it comes to keeping Connor safe. But he would’ve escaped that goddamn camp, or at least tried. Hollering and screaming.]

[instabilitatem]

[Connor considers for a moment before nodding.]

I wanted to make sure no one else got hurt.

[And if that meant he got destroyed again, then fine. Well, perhaps not fine, not for Hank.]

I wanted to hurt Alrys. [He remembers all the android murders they investigated and frowns at himself.]

[bootyshortsforoldmen]

I wanted to hurt that fucker, too. Although you — you deserved that chance. More than me.

But I didn’t want you to risk yourself. So while I get it — [Hank’s shoulders slump as he sighs] — I dunno. Is it fucked up to say I’m glad that you didn’t go?

Alrys is gone. Suppose that’s what matters. And I hope you can... y’know. Rest easier.

[instabilitatem]

[Connor tries to find the words to express how he's feeling. He takes time to sit up in the mean time.]

I wanted to hurt her myself. I wanted to make sure she could never reprogram me again.

[His mind flashes to that moment again: his fingers curled around the trigger of a pistol, looking down the barrel at Hank.

Never again.]

I wanted to make her suffer.

[bootyshortsforoldmen]

I know, Connor.

[Hank’s voice is calm, although he is... concerned. But he’ll always worry about Connor, won’t he? Alrys or no.]

I wanted to hurt her, too. For what she did to you. For what she made you do. I — just. Fuck. [Clenching his fists in his lap.] Listen to me, Connor. Listen.

[Raising both hands to set one on each of Connor’s shoulders now.]

[instabilitatem]

[Connor is concerned, too. He's never felt any of these cornucopia of feelings, most of which are positive, but the insidious darkness sneaking in makes him a bit sick to his stomach. What if he felt this way about others in Etraya?

He blinks at Hank and nods. He's listening.]

[bootyshortsforoldmen]

I don’t want you to end up like me.

[He squeezes Connor’s shoulders.]

And I know. I get it. I do. I hate that you got hurt. I hate it. Wanted to hurt Alrys for you, too. For me. For us.

But I don’t want you to focus on the hate in you, Connor. I want you to focus on Sumo and me. Your home, your friends. Those paintings you do, yeah? Your nice new clothes.

Not saying to let go of all that hate in you, ‘cause I know it’s hard if not downright fucking impossible, but I just — I want better for you, Connor.

[instabilitatem]

[Connor listens, eyes focused on Hank as he talks. He's not quite sure how to let go of his hate for Alrys, of the borderline glee for learning of her death. He understands that Hank wants better for him, but how does he get there?]

How do I do that?

[bootyshortsforoldmen]

It’s gonna be different for everyone. For me, I, y’know — [taking his hands from Connor’s shoulders now] — I met you.

But you’re real special, and it’s not like we can just ask Aurora-Echo-whoever to plop down someone as good as you, anyway. What I want for you is to be open: to ideas, conversation, people.

Don’t — [very “do as I say, not as I do” here] — keep shit inside. Let love in, Connor.

[A pause, and then:] I like it when you paint. When you had all those new clothes. I like it when you smile. What I’m saying is to focus on those sorts of things. I don’t want anger to define you, Connor. You’re too... y’know.

i never get to use this icon so here you go

[instabilitatem]

[A small smile quirks the corner of Connor's mouth as Hank mentions him. He watches Hank and nods in a couple places. He also enjoys painting and wearing new clothes and cooking and all those new experiences. He supposes he didn't realize he had this other part of him that wanted to hurt others.

He pauses to consider Hank's words before nodding.]

I enjoy painting.

THE LICKER!!!!

[bootyshortsforoldmen]

I know you do. Makes me real happy to see your stuff, Connor. We can cover the walls, yeah? And then... Well. Suppose we’ll figure that out once we get there.

[Maybe some people in Etraya might want some paintings, if Connor might be willing to give any up.]

[instabilitatem]

[Connor smiles back at Hank and nods.] We'll cover the walls.

[It sounds easy, like he simply continues painting and life goes on.]