bootyshortsforoldmen | Etraya: Inbox

Suppose nothing would really make me feel better. Unless I could forget

[Which alcohol would help with.

But.

Connor wouldn’t want that. And Connor wouldn’t want him to aggravate Accelerator, either.

Not that Connor is here. With his goofy smile and his breaking Hank’s window and his way of making Hank feel like life might be worth sticking around for.]

Could I ask something?

[The words remind Hank of how Connor used to say: “Can I ask a personal question, Lieutenant?”

And Hank supposes he’ll be thinking of those little things a lot. Till they drive him up the goddamn wall, probably.]

[He fully expects Hank to go drinking, regardless of what he tried to get him to agree to. If he wants to forget that's the easiest path, and it'd take a lot of willpower to avoid it.]

What is it?

Could you maybe tell me about him?

[Hank’s not sure what to ask for, exactly, but he wants to hear about what Connor was like. Here.]

Favorite memory or something like that

Was he happy here? I never got to ask I guess. I mean I know I hate it here but a lot of people almost seem to like it

I was real glad to hear that he had his own place. Whole ass apartment. Back in our world, he hadn’t really gotten a chance to live yet

I wanted here to be different for him.

[....... Oh, he is the absolute last person who should be having this conversation with Hank. At the idea of doing something emotionally healthy his brain kind of stalls out and he struggles to come up with a reply. He could very easily reply that Connor had people here who treated him like a person, something reassuring like that, but his fingers don't want to work.

There's a couple minutes before he manages to type something out and send it, and he instantly feels really, really stupid for doing so.]

One time he got infected and drained by some nanobots because he licked something he wasn't supposed to and got them on his tongue. Laura and Robin found him first, and since they're tiny brats they were dragging his body around because they didn't want to just leave him in the street.

It was complete nonsense. He appreciated the three of us helping him out, though.

[Hearing about this incident of Connor’s disastrous licking feels both like a punch to the gut and something... comforting, oddly.

Because this memory is completely beyond Hank. He wasn’t here for this at all. And it’s silly to hear this now, albeit undoubtedly stressful at the time — he’s trying to imagine two kids dragging Connor around — but Connor lived. For however long he existed here on Etraya, he must’ve got to do all sorts of things. Got to lick things.]

Of course he was licking stuff he shouldn’t have. Always putting weird shit in his mouth

Thanks. For taking care of him. I’m sure that meant a lot to him. Just in general. It’s good to hear that people cared about him. Even if it was just to get him outta the street

Do you think people remember? When they leave here

[He realizes it’s a fucked up thing to ask after he’s sent it. A really fucked up thing.

At least he’s not drunk so he has the awareness to apologize at all.]

Sorry

I just

I’d like it if he did. Remember you

[.... Somehow, it isn't surprising to hear Connor was licking things back in his own universe. That's ridiculous, and Accelerator hates that he and Hank can't tease him about it now.]

I don't know. Maybe it's possible. Our bodies don't get fucked with when we're brought here, so I don't think there are physical side effects to multiversal travel. I don't see why the electrical signals in our brains that constitute our memories would get screwed around when they rest of our bodies don't.

[That is a very nerdy way of saying he's kind of hopeful they all retain their memories of their time here. Or at least, he hopes Connor retains memories of certain people.

Not necessarily himself, because he is garbage and Connor is really better off forgetting him.]

It'd be nice if he remembered Laura and Robin. Laura cared about him a lot when she was here, and Robin still does.

Don’t mean to be offensive here, kid

[A rare occasion!]

But you’re kinda reminding me of myself right now

Laura, Robin, sure. I trust you on that.

But you obviously mattered to him too. Would be an idiot if I said otherwise.

Don’t know Laura or Robin, but between you and me I think you knew him best

Oh, fuck off.

[He doesn't mean it, this is just getting uncomfortably personal and he doesn't want to touch any of the associated emotions with a ten foot pole.]

I doubt I knew him very well. He was just tolerable.

Look, I need to go. I have no idea how Robin deals with loss and he's a little kid, so I need to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid.

Fuck you too kid

[Even if Hank had the heart to mean that right now — which he doesn’t — he’s not sure he could.]

Might’ve been tolerable to you but I’m sure you meant a lot to him

[And, Hank doesn’t know Robin but he’s pretty damn sure Connor would appreciate the following, so:]

Take care of Robin.

[He doesn't respond to that. He can't. He doesn't want to think about what Connor's opinion of him was, and how now that he's gone he can't ask him.]

Remember what we agreed.

Oh you bet I will

[He’s gotta be a smartass here, waving away Accelerator’s insistence — concern? — but still.

Oddly, Hank doesn’t intend to drink. He’d like to, sure. But that feels... too easy. Like he’d be doing a disservice to Connor’s memory — god, it’s not like he’s dead — if he does end up drinking.]

You remember what I said too.

[Although Hank’s sure blathered on a lot recently, hasn’t he?]

About Connor. And about learning to live again.

[He doubts he can think that positively right now, though Hank is right. Last Order wouldn't want to see him sad.]

Yeah. I will.

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